A Lesbian and I'm Loving It!

Yes, I am a lesbian. I love women. I always have. Men don’t do it for me. Ever since I came out of the closet, I have been completely out and proud. I haven’t feared anybody or anyone. No self-doubt, no pressure from anyone. Nothing.

Recently, while having dinner with a friend, I was asked, “Do you like being a lesbian. Are you fine with it?” to which I answered “I love being a lesbian! “ Her obvious immediate question was “What do you love about being a lesbian?” and the conversation continued for the next hour or so.

So here is why I love being a lesbian-

1. No contraceptives or birth control pills required - You can have great sex, a lot of sex and irrespective of one night stands, flings or relationships, you don’t have to worry when your periods are late. Also, the risk of contracting HIV is much lower than straight people or even gay boys.

2. Periods aren’t gross - I have a couple of friends, whose boyfriends won’t show any form of physical affection while they are on their periods. Some men find it gross or irritating. Women know about menstrual cycles and don’t find anything gross about them. Periods definitely don’t come in the way of physical intimacy, nor are they gross or irritating.

3. I can share things- I can share clothes and shoes with not just my best friend. I can do that with a girlfriend too. The best part is, I don’t need to beg and plead for her favorite pair of black stilettos. I just ask and I can use them. Even best friends won’t lend you that one  favorite pair of shoes or clothes. Also before going to a party, I can whine and say “I have nothing to wear! What do I wear?” And I won’t have an irritated boyfriend saying  ”Wear anything, it’s just a party”. I would have a girlfriend helping me with my wardrobe instead.

4. Everyone around you wants to play cupid - After I came out of the closet, all my friends (straight and gay) suddenly wanted to set me up.  ”Hey! I have a lesbian friend. She is really hot. You two should meet.”  This rarely happens when you’re straight.

5. It makes hanging out with straight men much more fun -There are a lot of things men only talk about when women aren’t around. But since I am a lesbian, I am allowed to join in. By the end of the conversation we would all be drooling at the hot woman in the club.

6. The intrigued, attractive bi-curious girl – You’re at a party, filled with a lot of people. The extremely attractive straight girl finds out you’re a lesbian. While all the straight men are trying to flirt with her, she walks up to you and starts a conversation. As the evening progresses, she accepts being Bi-Curious. She wants to experiment with women. You choose to help her or not.

7. No expected gender roles- When at a party, I can go up to a woman and casually start flirting with her. Unlike my straight friends, I don’t need to keep waiting for the man to come approach me. Also when in a relationship, the segregation of household tasks is not based on gender.

8. Nothing wrong with sleeping around- Irrespective of how much ever you sleep around, you’ll never be called a slut or judged for your flings and one night stands. You’ll definitely never have a girl say, “Oh! I can’t be with you because you have had one night stands, in the past.”

9. No family pressure- This stands valid, only once you’re out to your family. I don’t have parents pressuring me to get married. No annoying relatives ask me to have a kid. Also, they don’t intrude into your space, as much as they did earlier.

10. Sex is exhilarating - Let’s just say when you have the same physical parts as your partner does, there’s not much to learn. And there are a lot of things you can do in bed. Also I don’t have to fake an orgasm to my partner happy unlike a few straight couples I know of.

Kiss me already!

Kiss me already, because you can’t stop leching at me

Kiss me already, because you can’t keep your hands off me

Kiss me already, because I need to stop fidgeting around

Kiss me already, because my jittery banter won’t stop

Kiss me already, because I want to hold you really close

Kiss me already, because my quivering lips crave for you

Kiss me already, because I want to feel your lips on mine

Kiss me already, because my tongue wants to touch the tip of yours

Kiss me already, because I want to hold your face in my palms

Kiss me already, because my fingers want to play with your neck

Kiss me already, because I want to feel your nose brushed against mine

Kiss me already, because I want to feel the locks of your hair brushing across our cheeks

Kiss me already, because I want to smell those locks of hair

Kiss me already, because I want to look into your eyes while doing so

Kiss me already, because I want to caress you everywhere.

Enough now! Kiss me already!

Wine, wait, those moments...

Here we are. Drinking wine.  Looking at the stars. Exchanging glances every now and then. Days, months of that wait, finally come to an end. The wait. The wait to kiss you, breath into your neck, play with your hair, kiss your breasts, feel your skin on mine. And now, here we are, making small talk, trying to hold our attraction towards each other. Just a few moments. I want them to pass. I can’t wait. I can’t wait to make a move, push the locks of your hair right behind your ears, rub your nose against mine and hold you. Simply hold you in my arms.

“Just a few moments. Wait. Finish the wine” I tell myself. It is funny. After waiting for days and being patient, these moments I wait, keeping my hands off you while you are right in front of me are unbearable. Your eyes are doing most of the talking while you’re trying to fill in a few sentences to break the silence. I can see your eyes talk to me; tell me what you want to do with me. I can see them get impatient. You’re fiddling with your glass. Not how you drink your wine usually. I start counting numbers.

I need to calm down and distract myself. 1…2…3…4…5. Damn, your eyes! Damn them! My toes crinkle; something pulls my gut hard from within. A warm fuzzy feeling within my chest. I just can’t wait any longer. I want to hold you close. Feel your breasts pressed against mine, my hands on your hips. “So do you want another glass of wine?” you ask, gulping yours down. “Ah, no. I am fine. It’s cold out here. Can I borrow a jacket?” I say. The cold was bearable actually. I was just hoping you would get the hint and make a move. You come back in, what’s called a jiffy. No glass of wine, just the jacket this time.  I smile. You know where to begin now.

You wrap it around me just like I pictured you do it. Your hands slowly slide down my shoulders to my arms. Damn that fuzzy feeling. It has taken over me. I turn towards you, look into your eyes. It’s going to happen anytime now. I feel your face lean in closer as you get down on your knees. We look at each other intensely. That moment when the silence speaks, when our eyes do all the talking, revealing our inner side, as if stripping each other from the depths of within. I close my eyes, to trap that image in my head. The image of you wanting me. I feel your lips on mine. We kiss. Your lips so sweet, so nice. I once read a quote by Jeanette Winterson which said ”To kiss well one must kiss solely. No groping hands or stammering hearts. The lips and the lips alone are the pleasure. Passion is sweeter split strand by strand. Divided and re-divided like mercury then gathered up only at the last moment.” It was only now, did I understand what she meant.

I could just keep kissing you all night long. Your lips gradually move to my neck. I can feel you breathe right below my chin. A kiss on my collarbone. I moan slowly. Your wrap your arms around me, look into my eyes and say “Let’s go inside, shall we?” I smile, lift the jacket which in the meantime had fallen down. We enter your room and you lock the door behind us.  I place the jacket on your chair and then walk towards you with that mischievous grin in my face. You are leaning against the wall, right next to the door, just watching me. I wrap my arms around your shoulders, pull you close and say “So, where were we?” You laugh, kiss me on my forehead and say “You’re too cute.” I blush. We kiss. It feels like Bliss. You grab my hips; pull me close, really close. You push me backwards gradually, towards the bed. We fall on a heap of cushions. You grin and bury your head in my neck. We kiss like there is no tomorrow, immersing ourselves into each other, bit by bit, more and more.

Worth

Amidst all the noise, all the crowd and all that hypocrisy, I saw you and I saw a cigarette fall.

Boys getting drunk, dirty dancing, sex on the floor.

Fake smiles, fake body language, fake accents, fake laughs and fake opinions.

All to get laid.

Coiled in a small corner, I smoke, smoke away and just watch.  Watch all the gay men dance. Closeted or not, they are all out there bold and loud, to get what (or who) they want. It definitely wasn’t a night where any man would be closeted… unless it involved sneaking into a closet with someone, of course. No divides. No fear.

The cigarette, now burnt out, is let go. I drop it down the balcony twelve floors high. I watch it fall, attentively. It is desperate to keep burning itself and prolong its life for a little more. I see a spark at the seventh floor, a failed attempt. Then a few more, just before it touches the wet muddy ground. The smoldering cigarette butt reaches its destination and just fizzles off.

I look inside again; you know he isn’t worth it. You don’t know why you are doing this. But you just are. You are dancing, rubbing your thighs against his. You are smiling at him and trying to look raunchy. I can see right through your fake smile. How can he not see it? How can you not see yourself? You’re losing yourself, in all this noise and blur. If you could only see, you’re worth so much more.

You're constant and always will be

Sometimes, I wonder as to what I would do without you? 

You D.You are that one special friend. I meet you and everything feels alright. :)

What do you do to make me feel good? Nothing in particular.Simply talking to you feels good. Peaceful. Makes me think, some things in life never change. Our conversations over tea.  The comfortable space we share.  The drives.  The discovering random places to eat. The sleepovers. The walks. They never changed. 

You are the only person who has been so close and never got distant. You have been around for in my life for over a period of 5 years now. You saw me grow up, transition, become a completely different person.You were there for me, through all the ups, downs,craziness and more. You have always accepted me for everything I am and everything I am not. Most importantly you have always accepted me for everything I wanted to be or now want to be. I love that.

Its funny.We are atypical.You believe in gestures, while I am always bubbling with affection. You don’t like socializing so much, while I am always picking up conversations with random strangers. You are practical and cynical, while I am impulsive and optimistic. I believe in showering people with love constantly, while you make small yet very special gestures rarely. We are completely different people, you and me. Yet we are similar in some aspects. 

Some people like you are meant to stay. Life moves on though. In a year from now, we are going to be in different cities or countries, working/studying. Both of us busy, building and shaping our lives and our future.  It’s a little scary, that thought. No evening tea. No meeting you and simply feeling good. But hey, I know it will be just the same except for the fact that we won’t meet often. I’ll be there for you and I know you’ll be there for me.  Always.

-Love
P